1947

1947: Text

The Schedule

C. STANLEY FELVER

At hallowed old Siwash they follow this rule:
At ends of semesters through all of the school.
The schedules are made out with one's class adviser.
(About that last word I shall make you all wiser.
It just means a fellow who can never find
The time to turn problems of yours in his mind.
And after he helps you, most often, I fear
You'll still be befogged while he thinks it is clear.)
And when with the scheduler's help you have found
A program with which you will not be too bound.
But gone home despite it to spend your vacation
While all things are well with both you and the nation.
Why just at the time you are set to return.
The mailman comes ringing with news that will burn
Each course that you'd carefully figured last spring
Has now been rejected for some other thing.
Some other arrangement has been substituted.
Instead of the one you had fully computed.
It's scarcely a wonder that you are now vexed,
You've four classes one day, and one on the next.
And then you might notice that Government 10
You had as a junior is on there again.
You think. "This is something that I'll have to fix.
I'm not to be taken by any such tricks.
I'll work on my program, revise and review,
And change things: it's obvious something's askew.
Well, in you go quickly and solemnly press
To have it corrected and claim a redress.
"Prof Schedules" will talk to you, somber of mien.
Saying. "None of you knows all the troubles I've seen,
The change you wish made here will simply not go.
In short, I'll be brief, and the answer is 'No!" "
(You should have been ready for such things, old sport.
This man is renowned for that famous retort.)
We all know that making out schedules is tough.
But that is no reason to always be gruff.
He could at least check a man's schedule a bit
Before saying briefly. "Your courses don't fit."
But no, that is final-his word is enough,
You get just a thoughtless sarcastic rebuff.
And informal methods you're then forced to take
To gain rearrangements that you have to make.
And "Schedules" is placed on the list of your foes.
How many he's on now the Lord only knows.

1947: Text

Banner

SARAH B. SCALLY

Planned out as soon as the courses come out
Every student sets up a schedule no doubt
That there will be issues come the day they sign up
With three sometimes four classes picked as backups
(Though some freshman may not be all that smart
and this is the wisdom a senior imparts)
You'll sift thru the catalog clicking open tabs
Trying to find one course that fits your labs
values and writing you have in spades and yet
you won't find a language to bet on I fret
And then comes the time to speak with advisors
it's luck of the draw as to if they'll be wiser
but once you leave there the real challenge starts
with your pin into the next week you embark
Set up the codes the night before if you can
prepare ten alarms louder than your rooms fan
for if you don't wake at an expedient rate
you'll surely end up in some classes you'll hate
seven in the morning may seem like no fair
but I'd get up at six and check banner aware
that you'll want to log on the minute the clock turns
And even then issues will give you heartburn
Why this last year banner told me in the morning
that I lacked prerequisites! My ears started to ring
Set up so carefully so far in advance
I knew that these courses were well within chance.
So on to Gmail I go with great speed
Hopeful the professor will grant me the classes I need.
To think I once thought I could get back to sleep
Now I'm much too nervous about what karma I'll reap.
(Not to mention the phone buzzing with group chats
of all your friends celebrating they got into Stats
because though it's not true it always seem
it's only you who doesn't get the schedule of your dreams.)
And unlike in passed years at this very school
there is no one man you can call a tool
You'll blame all your misfortune on yourself instead
with hopes that next semester you'll end up ahead.
Now to young freshman I must address
about my first parenthetical I meant no offence
It's just that your class pulled the shortest straw
Though you can hope for some to withdraw
as first years you’re fighting for dwindling spaces
I call on you to assure you'll cover all bases.

1947: Text